Press Release: ICU Gigasoft buys rights to Paper Mario

REDMOND, WASHINGTON (AP). Late last week, the people behind the beloved Mario franchise were meeting with the people who like to pretend they’re behind the franchise.  During these secret meetings, discussions on the future of Paper Mario were underway.  Nintendo and ICU Gigasoft, in a historic negotiation, agreed upon the sale of the Paper Mario IP.  Under this deal, ICU Gigasoft would be tasked with creating Paper Mario games from now on.

“It’s a great deal for the fans,” said Reggie Fils-Amie, President of Nintendo of America.  “They get the Paper Mario they love, and we don’t have to waste our time with those stupid games.”  On the other side, ICU Gigasoft was equally happy.

“All my life I have waited for this moment,” said U-Division of ICU Gigasoft when we interviewed him.  He also commented that, as a life-long fan of the Paper Mario franchise, he was eager to work on a Paper Mario game as the owner of the IP.

Some may question the timing of this deal.  Recently, Nintendo announced Paper Mario: Color Splash which was received with a very negative reception.  Many wonder if the rights to Paper Mario are worth the Paper they’re printed on.  When asked about this, U-Division responded “Don’t worry, we know what to do to make Paper Mario great again.”

Their first step?  Reworking Paper Mario: Color Splash as an FPS.  “We’re going to call it ‘Paper Mario: Color Splash: But as an FPS?’ Paper Mario has always been a great FPS.  R-right?”  It may be too early to tell, but with these morons at the helm Paper Mario may have a brightly colored future ahead of it. Or not.